Still going through carbs. I don’t know about some of you ladies, but I hate television. Yesterday as I was trying hard to be lazy, I got a call from the social services office that have put me on hold for about 4 weeks. I was informed after the long wait that I didn’t apply for any help on my hospital bill, instead he told me to call 211 to find affordable insurance.
I went to the hospital and had on night stand with the emergency room because I thought I was dying of food poisoning, and I came out a few hours later with a 7,000 dollar bill. In many respects, I can’t express myself enough on how unbalanced and unfair the health system is in this country, and I’m sorry I have to say this and if I offend someone. I don’t know how acquiring insurance could possibly pay a bill I already have, if not at best give me a never ending payment plan, for money I don’t even have. I called my mother in tears, something in me just really switch to an emotional side, and I couldn’t stop crying. But for what it seems, my mom has her way to be the toughest when you are at your worst (not sure if that’s very soothing) but it works, she says we are going to go pull some ears on Friday, to see if I could still get some help.
If I knew my doctor’s two glances at me while I was in the emergency room was worth 900$ a pop, I would have told her to yell at me from the hall or something, talk about solidarity when practicing medicine, it’s a load of b.s.
So back to my original idea, as I was crying my eyes out, a Milano cookies commercial came up, showing two beautiful biscuits conjoined in a delicious river of melty chocolate,why….WHY DOES TELEVISION HAVE TO BE LIKE THAT? it’s almost like they are talking to that fat person sitting at home, “consume these products! because they are really not good for your health and weight, but ohhhhh didn’t we nailed to make it taste like heaven? and now you eat them, so you can bring thousands of dollars to one happy CEO, horray for Capitalism and freedom of speech!”
I wanted the cookies, but someone I resisted and I have survived every dirty reeses commercial too. I went through the whole day with two eggs, 2 small light mini-bells, and just picking on little foods here and there, including a piece of salmon I bought from the healthy food restaurant that tasted like dead fish. I bought Kale but I don’t know how to cook it, I ended up eating plates of soaky kale.
Then depression set in, so I went into the smoking shed at the college and got on my knees to beg for a cigarette.It’s the least I could do, I somehow feel better mostly because there was something there to talk to, even if that person didn’t seem slightly interested in what I had to say, I felt a little bit better. On my way out I knew I wanted coffee, that creamy swirly of cappuccino drown with sugar. But instead I went for half-n-half decaf. Decaf really emphasize the taste of coffee or tea as nothing but water, it’s almost like a diet cola…it’s been hard to get used that, but at least I still have something warm to drink when I’m cold and lonely.
When I came home I started chewing on some strings of celery, but I was like a bored cow chewing some grass. I wasn’t so hungry but mostly pissed that I haven’t had a big meal all day. So me and my sweety came together in a loving embrace and went to a Mexican restaurant and got one single meal for me, of something I wanted. I’m not gonna lie, I got the usual, and I probably did consume carbs on the bread and tortilla chips on my sandwich… originally I thought allowing myself to do that at least ONCE a day is not so bad. The only problem is that I don’t know how eating SOME carbs instead of none, would rid my addiction. It’s like a coke addict has SOME coke, to step down gradually? mmmm I’m not sure about that, nerveless to say I wish I could say I was hungry and that I had to do it, but it was all just a mental influence into eating something, than out of hunger.
Apart from that, I came home and hit the bed around 2am, I put about 8 hours of video gaming the entire day, when all I wanted to do was 2.
Well’ that’s all folks. Oh yeah, and guess what…these 5 days my life has been hell, I step on the scale this morning, and I felt like pinching myself.
I went form 177lbs to 169.5lbs….ah my scale….I know sometimes it lies, but at least it brightens up my day, lol.
take care.
